SASKATOON -- Nov. 5, 2017 was a day of both happiness and sorrow for Amy and Steve Killick.
It was the day they met their daughter Briar – but also the day they said goodbye.
Fourteen weeks into Amy’s pregnancy, doctors told the couple their baby had Trisomy 18, an often fatal condition and that she would likely not be born alive.
"We had to make a decision. Do we watch our baby die full-term or do we do what parents would do for a child who is on life support and you don’t want them to suffer," Amy said.
The couple made the difficult decision to deliver a few weeks later. At 22 weeks, Amy was induced and Briar was stillborn.
Nothing could have prepared them for the pain and emotion they would endure.
"How do you ever get ready to lose a child," said Steve, who is a firefighter paramedic in Saskatoon and often finds himself in difficult circumstances.
"You always hope that every time you go back for a new ultrasound that something is going to change."
After Briar was delivered, Amy said doctors initially advised the Killicks against seeing her, saying the birth had been traumatic for the baby girl.
But Steve insisted.
"He came back and said 'She's so sweet.'"
For the next 36 hours, the Killicks were able to visit with Briar, precious moments they still cherish today, thanks to Saskatoon-based Empty Arms.
The organization offers peer support and resources for families who have lost children pre and post-natal.
It was founded in 2015 by Jasmin Herchak and Briana Koop.
Both lost babies in 2013 and wanted to provide the help they say they didn’t have.
"We felt very alone and unsupported at the time and the nurses were very kind but we felt we didn’t have much support or information," recalls Herchak.
Herchak and her husband found out 20 weeks into their pregnancy that their baby didn’t have a heartbeat.
Within hours, she was induced and her daughter Jael was born.
"We spent 20 minutes with her. That was it and then we headed home."
Herchak began navigating the journey of baby loss on her own, throwing herself into learning all that she could in hopes of finding help and healing not only for herself but for others as well.
It was by chance that Herchak met Koop, who knew the struggles she was going through and also wanted to help other parents.
While expecting, Koop and her husband found out that their baby would not live after birth.
They delivered early and their son Marlow was born without kidneys. He lived for about half an hour.
"We met him, named him, held him and kissed him and told him his sister loved him."
Unlike Herchak, the Koops were able to spend eight hours with their son before saying goodbye, taking pictures and making what memories they could with him.
Still, Koop remembers it as an isolating time.
"I really felt like no one had gone through this before and I felt must have done something wrong because I did all the right things so why was this happening to us? Nobody talked about baby loss."
Something that is changing, thanks to the work Herchak and Koop are doing through Empty Arms.
Since starting the group, Koop, Herchak and their team have been providing in-hospital visits, offering photography services and memory boxes to families who lose a baby.
They’ve also raised money to buy a cuddle cot that keeps babies at the right temperature, prolonging the time their families can spend with them.
"We want them to know first and foremost that their baby matters just as much as every other baby," Koop said.
"We want them to know that the time they have with their baby is so so important, that they won’t get that time back."
Koop believes helping other families has helped in her healing process. Herchak feels for her, it has done the same.
"It kind of gives me the opportunity to make up for all the things that I missed out on with my daughter and give that gift to another family," Herchak said.
For Amy and Steve Killick, the gift they received from Empty Arms is one they will always treasure.
Because of the support they received, they were able to spend precious hours with their daughter Briar, taking pictures and making handprints.
"They just slow it down for you so you can make memories with your child so you don’t have regrets when it’s time to say good-bye," Amy said.
The couple has built a memory shelf for Briar, making it a permanent place where they and their three other children can visit their sister.
"It’s just a little bit more special when you actually have something to hold onto," Steve said.
Since losing Briar, the Killicks have started to help other families through the Empty Arms organization, providing peer support. Steve has also joined on as a volunteer board member.
"In a way we've been able to honour Briar by helping others," Amy said.
"It's been quite a journey, I don't think we're ever done with our healing."
Edited by Digital News Editor Josh Lynn
