'Make space for fear': In wake of stabbing attacks, experts share advice on talking with kids

Following the mass stabbings on the James Smith Cree Nation in Saskatchewan and subsequent manhunt over the long weekend, mental health experts say it’s important to talk to children about what’s going on.

“I think sometimes as adults we want to protect, so we try to avoid the issue, or sidestep it or use words that, you know, don't entirely encapsulate what's happening,” family therapist Eliisha Ens said.

Beginning Sunday, Saskatchewan residents began receiving intrusive alerts on their phones advising of the potential public risk posed by two suspects Myles Sanderson and Damien Sanderson. Police revealed on Monday that Damien had been found dead on the First Nation.

While the events seem scary to kids, Ens said it is important to “make space” for fear and allow children to talk about it.

“They're feeling all of these really big feelings. So making space for them to come out with what is it like? When are you most afraid? What are you actually thinking of? Are you thinking about your own safety or the safety of your loved ones? And like, what does it feel like to live with that?’ And once you have an opportunity for that expression, and for making space for it actually doesn't hold as much power and it's not as big for children.”

Mental health expert Kathleen Rogers said it was key to be honest, in an age-appropriate way.

“I think it's kind of a balance, sometimes for parents to figure out like how much they should tell their kids and what they shouldn't say. But I do think that it's important for kids to at least understand what's going on and that people are being hurt. And there are other things going on, and there's going to be stuff on the news, that's probably really scary. So I think a big thing is letting kids ask the questions, and then answer them in an age-appropriate way.”

Rogers said it is also important for parents of teens to open up the conversation.

“I think it's so important for parents, definitely to recognize that they are probably getting those alerts, they're reading all the things, they can have access to the news, they can see stuff. So I think for some of the older teens or adolescents, it's really important to open up that conversation and just say, ‘Hey, this is what I got on my phone, did you see it? And do you have questions?’”

Ens said adding different perspectives to a teen’s world was crucial as fear can grow within adolescent peer groups.

“So to have people from multiple generations who can speak into that they are continually exposed.”

For families who have experienced a loss or grief related to the incidents, Rogers said it’s best to talk about it with children and youth, but that parents do need to have all the answers.

“It's okay as parents to say, I don't know, you know, and then check in with it with peers or whatever to figure out like, ‘What can I tell my kid that's going to make the most sense for them?’ I think it's a really challenging time and nobody knows what's going on. And it's scary. So it's okay for parents to not have all the answers.”

However, she cautions that if fear or anxiety takes over, it is important to get help.

“If it comes to a point where that fear and that anxiety is causing us to avoid our daily activities, or not interact with people or you know, withdraw and that kind of thing, that's when it becomes a problem.”